


All at once

by kuuroohana



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Crying, Guilt, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Major Character Injury, Sad, Sad Isak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2018-09-21 08:38:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9540065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuuroohana/pseuds/kuuroohana
Summary: Even is not bipolar but still chooses to put some distance between him and Isak. Isak's mom is not supporting Isak being gay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a few scenes that are taken from the actual series but they will have little changes in dialogue and overall play of the scene.

He opened his eyes to see a blurry face in front of him. He couldn’t make out who it was but he could see that the person tried to say something to him. He didn’t really hear anything. It all just sounded as if he were underwater. Drowned out voices from around him. He turned his head to see where it came from. There was a wall of people around him and the person in front of him.  
‘Isak!’  
The voice was very familiar but he couldn’t quite place it.  
‘Isak, please, look at me!’  
Isak’s vision got a bit clearer and he could see Even. His face was stained with tears and he looked so hurt and so worried. Isak didn’t know why. He wanted to ask Even why he was crying so much. What had happened that he was looking so hurt.  
_Why are you crying, Even?_  
There was no sound coming out of his mouth. Isak tried to lift his hand to Even’s face, but it hurt to move. _Why did it hurt?_ Isak tried to look down to see if he could find out, but Even stopped him.  
‘Don’t look.’  
Even shook his head while there were new tears falling down. His voice had sounded broken. As if he couldn’t handle anything anymore.  
‘Why?’ Isak managed to get out. He could hear his own voice being very weak and he would have repeated it if he hadn’t felt so much pain trying to speak.  
‘Don’t speak, Isak.’ Even replied. Isak couldn’t help but feel a little bit frustrated. Before he could say anything more, well try to say anything more, his vision got blurry again and he could see the black spots getting bigger until there was total darkness. The last thig he heard were a few more futile attempts of Even trying to keep Isak awake.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flashback of the same day of the previous chapter.

‘Let me just find Emma.’ Isak almost yelled. After he had seen Even pass in the background, he was determined to confront him about the tekst Even had sent him telling Isak they needed time apart. Isak didn’t even hear what the boy acting like a bodyguard had said after that. He entered the house in search of Even, so he didn’t really care that people reacted annoyed as Isak rushed past them. The house was really full, but he could still see Even standing at the back of the room. Isak could hear himself sigh in relief. That was how much Even meant to him. He got happy just from seeing his handsome face. Isak used to tease Even with that comment. _Used to_.

Isak started making his way towards Even, but was stopped by an angry-looking Emma. ‘Hey….’ He started, feeling a bit uncomfortable. ‘What are you doing here?’ Emma didn’t let him finish. Taken aback by the anger in her voice, Isak didn’t know whether to tell her the truth or not. ‘I…uh…I’m sorry for leaving you and Sonja alone that night. It was a really shitty thing to do and I get why you’re angry but...’ Isak couldn’t finish before she had interrupted him again. ‘That’s not why I’m angry,’ there was hurt in her voice now. ‘I’m angry because you made me believe I had a chance even though you’re gay.’ She said before walking away in a hurried pace.

Isak had nothing to say to that. _How could she just say that out loud? How had it not made her uncomfortable?_ Isak had always thought there was something wrong with him when he couldn’t get excited about girls the way Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus always got. And the fact that his mother was religious hadn’t made it easier for him. He had struggled so long to keep it a secret. He even kept it a secret from himself, not accepting his own feelings, thinking it would just be a phase. Until he had met Even. Even was amazing, he made Isak think that no matter what happened Even would be there for him. But now even he wasn’t here for Isak. He felt so alone, even in this sea of people in this house. He could feel the tears building up behind his eyes.

He didn’t want to cry. He came here to talk to Even. Isak looked up to see if Even was still standing at the back of the room. He wasn’t. Again, he felt hopeless, alone. He started to head for the kitchen to look for Even, when he heard the familiar _ding_ of his phone over the music, indicating he had gotten a message. Isak took his phone out of his pocket to see it was a text from his mom. He had told her about him and Even, hoping his mother would still accept him. How naïve he was.

 _‘But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female._ ’

It felt like a punch in his gut. He felt breathless, the hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He knew that people were staring at him, but right now he really didn’t care. He needed Even. Needed the way Even could always calm him down no matter what. Needed the way Even could wrap his arms around Isak to make him feel safe. Needed the way Even would whisper sweet words in his ear. Needed the warm feeling Even could give him by just smiling at Isak.

He really needed Even.


	3. Chapter 3

Isak opened his eyes and the first thing he registered was the smell of disinfectant. He blinked away his blurry vision and could see he was in a hospital bed. The room was empty apart from a few chairs against the wall, his clothes on the nightstand next to his bed, and a hoodie that he didn’t remember wearing. It did look familiar, but it wasn’t his.

_Even._

It was Evens.

Isak tried to get up to look for him. Tried to. His legs didn’t listen to him. He looked down to see why they didn’t do what he wanted them to do. He could feel his breath catch in his throat as he looked at the huge amount of bandage around his legs and his waist. They felt numb. Isak stared at his legs, not believing what he saw. He tried again and again to move his legs but to no avail. He could feel his eyes fill with tears and he let them fall. He could feel a panic attack coming. He started hyperventilating and he saw his vision getting blurry again. He couldn’t even leave the room for air. He didn’t know what to do. He was really panicking right now. _What happened? Why am I here in this hospital? Where was Even?_

Before he could ask himself anymore questions he didn’t know the answer to, he felt two hands on his shoulder lightly shaking Isak. ‘Isak, calm down.’ He heard an unfamiliar voice say. ‘You’re in the hospital. You were in an accident. I am your doctor. I need you to look at me and try to mimic my breathing, okay?’ Isak couldn’t hear him, he tried to get the hands of him. He started seeing black spots again. He could vaguely hear someone call for help and before he knew it, he suddenly felt very calm. The last thing he felt was a needle being pulled out of his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are you liking it so far? if you have some tips i would love to hear them! this is my first fiction, so i am very nervous but i'm enjoying it so far.


	4. Chapter 4

Isak was frantically searching for Even. He needed to hear his voice, he needed to hear everything was going to be fine. If he was going to believe it, Isak wasn’t sure. Right now everything was falling apart. He hadn’t spoken to his dad since he left Isak alone with his mother. And even though his relationship with her wasn’t amazing, he still loved her and to know that she wasn’t accepting him anymore hurt Isak in a way he didn’t know would happen. He wanted to believe he didn’t care what his mother thought of him, he also wanted to believe his mother would be fine with it. _What was I thinking? Of course she’s not fine with it_. Isak felt like laughing. Laughing at himself. Laughing at how naïve he had been. Laughing at the fact that everybody left him because nobody loved him. But instead of laughing, Isak was crying. He was crying loud but not loud enough to be heard over the music.

He needed to get out of this house, away from the party and the people. He didn’t want to find Even anymore. If it meant Even would also leave him, he didn’t want to see him. Not tonight.

He made his way to the front door and just as he was about to step outside already hearing the voices of Jonas and his friends asking him how it went, he heard a familiar voice. It was faint and he wasn’t sure he actually heard it until his eyes fell on him.

He was standing against the wall with a cup in his hand. He was wearing a hoodie that he didn’t know Even had. He looked amazing. He looked happy. The fact that Even could look so happy and carefree made Isak feel hurt.

_See? He is fine. He doesn’t need me. Nobody needs me._

Isak felt the tears come back but they didn’t fall. They froze. Just like Isak did at the sight in front of him. He didn’t hear the music anymore, he didn’t hear the people laughing and dancing anymore, he didn’t even hear his friends anymore. Isak just stood there. Frozen. Even more miserable than ever. More than when he got the message from his mom. More than when his dad had left them. More than having to tell Eva he was partly responsible for her break-up. He didn’t even know what he was feeling. He was just empty. So empty.

Even’s free hand was put on someone’s waist as he had pulled her closer. Closer. So close that their lips were sealed against one another. So close that Even was actually kissing Sonja.

So close Even didn’t notice Isak staring until after the kiss. Even looked up and saw Isak standing there, staring. He looked broken. As if Isak couldn’t feel anything anymore. He had kissed Sonja in front of the one he actually loved. He was the cause of that expressionless face with puffy, red eyes that told him Isak had cried, a lot. He had kissed Sonja, but not because he wanted to, he had only kissed he to get rid of this annoying guy that kept trying to hit on him. But Isak didn’t know that. He didn’t but he had to explain. Isak had to understand. He had to know that he only had eyes for him. He let go of Sonja so abruptly she almost fell over. But right now Even couldn’t really care. He had to go to Isak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think of this so far!


	5. Chapter 5

When he woke up, Isak could see someone sitting in one of the chairs in his hospital room. He felt drowsy and had a headache. He shifted his position to take a closer look at the person. It was a grown man and he looked important, he looked like a doctor.

The man must have heard Isak waking up because he stood up and walked over to the bed. ‘Hello, Isak. My name is Dr. Anngrim. You are in the hospital because you were in an accident. Do you remember?’

Isak looked up to him. He felt like shit. ‘Even.’ Isak simply said. The doctor looked puzzled for a moment before he asked, ‘You mean the boy you were with? He came with you in the ambulance, but he had to get some fresh air. That was about half an hour ago, he hasn’t come back yet.’ He told him in a calm voice. ‘More importantly, do you remember what happened, Isak?’

Isak slowly nodded as everything came back to him. The text his mom had sent. The conversation between him and Emma. And of course Even kissing Sonja. Isak didn’t know he was crying until the doctor put his hand on Isak’s shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, you’re going to be fine. Your legs might be numb for a while before you can use them again. You will need a lot of help. I tried calling your home but no one picked up, can you give me a number I can call?’

Isak needed a moment to process everything. His legs were wrapped in bandages and he had a cast around his left leg. His waist was also wrapped in bandages. He could feel the air being knocked out of his lungs, he started hyperventilating again. But this time he heard a familiar voice. A voice that he wanted to hear but also didn’t want to hear.

‘Isak?’ Even asked before arriving at the side of his bed in only two steps and wrapping his arms around Isak.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Even said, breaking the sentence of with a sob. ‘I’m so sorry, Isak. This is all my fault.’ Isak could feel his shoulder getting wet with tears. He started crying himself and wrapping his own arms around Even. They were like that for a while, until their sobs had sort of died down. Even pulled back to look at Isak. Even looked like he had cried  about as much as Isak had, which was a lot. They just looked at each other for what felt like forever. ‘Are you okay, Even?’ Isak’s voice barely a whisper.

‘No, of course I’m not okay.’ Even let go of Isak and raised his voice. ‘This is my fault, because of me you are here, in this hospital, with your legs broken and…. They were so broken….. there was so much blood, Isak. So much.’ Even fell to his knees, breaking out in tears again. ‘So much, Isak. I am so sorry.’

Even looked up to Isak with a face of guilt and pain. He looked like he was asking desperately for forgiveness.

Then Dr. Anngrim stepped in. ‘Even, right?’ He asked and without waiting for an answer he continued. ‘Listen, I know that it was a traumatic experience, but I need you to calm down, okay? You need to be calm for Isak. As you can see, he is also getting stressed by seeing you break down.’

Even looked at Isak and he knew what the doctor was talking about. Isak had his eyes wide open with concern, but also something different. It was as if Isak didn’t really look at him, he was just sitting there, not looking at anything in particular. Is was as if he was remembering what had happened and the shock had come back, numbing him completely.

He got up of the floor and wiped away the tears. He nodded at the doctor as if to say he was fine now. He wasn’t really fine, not at all, but he needed to be. At least for now, for Isak.


	6. Chapter 6

Isak was pulled out of his frozen shock when he saw Even coming his way. _He is probably gonna tell me that I should leave him alone, that I should leave, that I shouldn’t stare._ Isak wasn’t ready for more rejection. He turned around and went outside.

 He was met with what felt like a million questions from them. ‘Can we go inside?’ ‘Have you talked to Emma?’ Only Jonas seemed to know that Isak had been crying a lot. ‘Are you okay?’ Isak could hear the worry in his voice and just nodded in response. But that wasn’t enough to throw Jonas off. ‘What happened, Isak?’ Jonas asked again. They locked eyes for a second and it was as if Jonas could look into his soul. As if he would find out everything by just looking into his eyes. So Isak broke the eye contact, looking down at the ground.

 ‘Isn’t that guy from your Kossegruppa thing?’ Mahdi looked past Isak. ‘He’s calling your name you know?’ He said then, this time looking confused at Isak. He turned around to see Even trying to get past the dancing people while looking at Isak with pleading eyes as if he were asking Isak to stop. He turned back to his friends for a bit before walking past them and picking up his pace. He ignored the surprised sounds that his friends let out. He ignored the people he bumped against.

He tried to ignore Even, but he couldn’t, not when he was yelling his name so loud. So desperate to make Isak stop. But Isak didn’t want to stop, he wanted to keep running. He didn’t even see where he was going. He didn’t see the group of people waiting for the cars to pass. He didn’t see the cars passing at high speed. He didn’t see the red traffic light. He could only see Even kissing Sonja.

‘Isak!’

‘Isak, wait!’

He could hear Even yell at him to stop, but he didn’t want to. This felt somehow exhilarating, freeing. He kept running. But he could hear Even was right behind him, not letting Isak too far ahead.

‘Isak, stop!’

This time the voice was urgent, worried and even more desperate.

He turned his head to see why Even had suddenly changed the tone of his voice. He was met with a look of shock and horror on Even’s face.

‘Isak! Look out!’

Isak didn’t realize he had run through a red light. He didn’t see the people trying to stop him. He didn’t see Even also running through the red light. He didn’t see Even trying to push him out of the way. He didn’t see Even being too slow.  He could only see the blinding light of the car that was driving right at him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't updated in a while because of school and work, but here is the next chapter. i hope you'll enjoy it.

Isak woke up with a sharp pain in his legs. He opened his eyes and blinked away the blurriness. He felt a pair of eyes on him and when he checked where it was coming from, he could see Even on a chair on the other side of the room. When they locked eyes, Even stood up and walked towards the bed. He looked uncomfortable, as if he didn’t think he should be there in the room. Isak wanted to comment on it, but he was distracted by the pain in his legs that grew stronger by the second. He felt as if his leg was being pulled by invisible arms. He felt it go through his whole body. ‘Even’ he gasped.

‘I know I shouldn’t be here, but I couldn’t just leave you alone…’ Even answered.

‘No, Even, my leg…. It hurts so much.’ Isak could feel tears coming up in his eyes, not because Even was there and it brought back all kinds of emotions, but because the pain was too great to bite through. Even changed his expression immediately from an uncomfortable one to a concerned one and in a few steps he was at the bed. ‘Are you okay? Where does it hurt?’

Isak was trying to say something but he couldn’t. He held his leg, as if holding it would stop it from hurting so much, and just cried. ‘It…hurts…so….fucking…..much.’

Even looked at him guilty. He knew he was the cause of this. He made Isak feel like this. He hurt Isak. Even felt a strong grip around his wrist and was pulled back to the room, standing next to the bed where Isak was experiencing so much pain. Isaks grip was firm, almost painful.

‘Okay, it’s going to be fine, I’ll get the doctor okay?’

Isak just nodded before letting go of Even.

It wasn’t anything big but Even felt hurt. They were always there for each other, regardless of the pain one was feeling. They would always just want the presence of each other. But this time Isak had let go of him. _He should have let go. It was me who let go first. Why had I done that? Why did I say I needed time? I was scared of being rejected, and thought that by putting space between us it would help. But it didn’t. It had just made it worse._

Even walked out of the room and came back just a few seconds later with Dr. Anngrim. ‘Isak, what is happening? Can you tell me where it hurts?’ He immediately pulled up the leg of his pants and cut away the bandages to look at his leg. Isak hadn’t seen his legs since the accident and he could have gone without ever seeing them like this. Isak felt another panic attack coming. His legs were more blue and purple than the color they should be. There were a lot of bruises and he could see something that looked like a stitch all across the length of his leg.

Even saw the panic in Isaks eyes and put his hands on the younger boy’s cheeks. ‘Hey, look at me, Isak. Look at me and try to breathe with me okay?’ Isak looked at Even and was immediately lost in those eyes that he hadn’t seen for almost two weeks. It made Isak calm down, but he was still crying because of the pain.

‘Okay, Isak, I need you to listen to me. It might be hard to believe but this pain that you’re feeling? It is actually very good news. But that also means that I can’t give you anything to lessen the pain. Do you understand?’

Isak almost didn’t hear him, he was I too much pain, but Even was there as well. ‘You can’t give him anything? He is in so much pain!’ he was almost yelling.

Dr. Anngrim stayed calm and explained. ‘He is indeed in a lot of pain, but that means he can feel his legs. When he came in, I had already given up the hope that he would ever walk again. Like you said, Even, it was not a pretty sight. Isak couldn’t feel his legs, that is why he had gotten the panic attacks. But if he can feel this, even if it is pain, it is a good sign. And the reason I can’t give him any medicine is because I’m scared it will have the opposite effect and make his legs numb again. Do you understand, Even? The doctor gave him a questioning look, as if to ask whether that explanation was clear enough.

‘Yeah, I get it.’ Even said after a while.

 ‘So there was a chance I would never be able to walk again?’ It was barely a whisper coming from Isak. The pain had lessened but Isak was still painfully aware of it.

‘I’m afraid so, but now that this has happened, that chance it slim. You will still need to put some effort into rehabilitation, of course, but it should be fine now.’ Dr. Anngrim smiled gently.


	8. Chapter 8

After three days at the hospital, Dr. Anngrim had asked Isak whether he should call his parents, but Isak had pleaded to let him do it himself. After a bit of a discussion the doctor had agreed to let Isak do it himself.

The next day Isak had the courage to call his father.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, dad, it’s Isak.’

‘Yeah, what is it?’ he sounded annoyed and angry for some reason. ‘I’m very busy Isak, I don’t have time to talk with you.’

‘I know dad, but it’s important.’

‘Well, get on with it then. I don’t have all day.’

‘I’m in the hospital, dad.’ There was a short pause on the other end of the line.

‘What have you done this time, Isak? I told you not to do anything that could upset your mother. Why do you always do the wrong things? I only ask of you to take care of your mother. Can’t you even do that?’

Isak didn’t know what to expect from this call. He should have known his father didn’t care about Isak at all.

‘Sorry, it was just a joke. I only called to say that I’ll need more money this month because there are some supplies I need to buy for school.’

‘You shouldn’t joke about that, Isak!’ His father was yelling now.

‘Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. But I need the money.’ Isak felt hot tears roll down on his cheeks.

‘You’ll have to wait till next week for the money.’

‘Okay, that’s fine. Bye.’

‘Bye.’

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

The door opened and Even walked in. ‘Are you okay?’ Isak still had tears rolling down his cheek from the phone call with his father. ‘I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, really. I just passed by and heard you talking to your father. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I just wanted to check if you were okay.’

‘Even?’

‘Yes?’ Even looked up to see Isak already staring at him.

‘I miss you.’

Even widened his eyes in chock and unbelief. Isak looked at him full of love and longing. ‘I really do, and I still want to have a proper conversation about why you chose to put distance between us and whether you still want me, but for now, can you come closer?’

Even slowly neared the boy as if he wasn’t sure he had heard it right. _Isak wants me back? He wants me back in his life?_

‘But you were in the accident because of me?’ Even whispered questionably. Isak looked confused in response. ‘Because of you? What are you talking about?’

‘You saw me kissing Sonja, right? That’s why you ran out, isn’t it?’ Even sounded desperate now.

‘What? So then it’s suddenly your fault?’ Isak asked a bit irritated. ‘Does that mean it’s my fault you needed space? Did I do something wrong? Is it because of me that you don’t want me anymore?’

‘No, Isak, of course it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just really fucked up. I don’t even know myself why I wanted space. I guess I was scared of losing you, but…’

Isak interrupted him. ‘So if that wasn’t my fault then this accident is not your fault either. I was the one that didn’t see the red traffic light. I was the one who was running out on the road. So don’t you dare say it was your fault, okay?’ Isak’s voice was firm but gentle and Even didn’t know what to do. He just stood there next to the bed.

‘So you want me back?’

‘I never wanted you gone.’

Even looked into his eyes and saw no doubt. Isak gestured him to crawl into the bed with him and he complied. They lay next to each other after being apart for almost two weeks. They weren’t really doing anything. They just lay there looking into each other’s eyes, and yet it felt like the most intimate thing they had ever done.


	10. Chapter 10

‘Have you talked to your parents?’ Isak wasn’t ready for that question yet, but the doctor had been asking it for almost three days straight now, so Isak knew he had to come up with an answer. ‘Uhm, yeah, but uh they won’t be able to come to visit.’ He faked a cough in the hope that would throw dr. Anngrim of, but _of course,_ the doctor was determined to find out everything. ‘And why not, Isak?’

‘Uh… my father is working far away and my mother doesn’t really care.’ He felt a lump in his throat. Talking about his parents has never been easy, but after his mother’s text and the phone call with his father, things had just gotten worse and he really felt like he had no parents, as if there was no one to take care of him, as if no one really loved him.

_Even is still here._

_Even still cares……maybe?_

_Maybe Even didn’t care._

_Maybe Even didn’t want me either._

_Even also tried to get rid of me._

_I’m just a burden to everyone._

‘Isak?’ he heard Evens voice call out to him. ‘Isak, are you with me?’ Isak looked up to meet a worried but also tired expression. ‘Yeah, I’m still here.’ He turned to dr. Anngrim and continued. Isak could hear his voice was shaky but neither Even nor the doctor mentioned anything about it. ‘My mom is mentally unstable.’ He could see dr. Anngrim change his expression to a more serious one, if that was even possible. ‘She’s also very religious, and as you might have noticed, Even is, or was, more than a friend to me.’ Isak could see Even cringe with hurt when he had corrected himself. ‘She sent me a message on the night of the accident and told me she didn’t approve of it. She probably also doesn’t see me as her own son anymore. And well, my father…..’

Isak couldn’t finish his story, he felt two arms strongly pulling him in a hug. Even had gotten up from his seat and pulled the younger boy closer. ‘I didn’t know. I’m so sorry, Isak.’ He whispered. ‘Im sorry I wasn’t there for you.’

Isak only then felt the wetness on his face and realized he had been crying while telling them everything. Despite that he still found the strength to tell Even it wasn’t his fault and he should _really_ stop blaming himself for everything.

_What was I thinking?_

_Of course Even still cares. He is the softest person I know._

_Should I believe him?_

_Can I?_

The silence that had fallen was broken by the doctor. ‘I’m really sorry to hear that, Isak, but because you are still underage, you do need a guardian to take care of the paperwork and the bills.’

‘I can pay the bill myself, that has already been taken care of.’ Isak responded. If it was another situation, Isak might have enjoyed the looks Even and dr. Anngrim had given him. they were a mix between shock and pity. _Of course._

_Pity._

_That’s why I don’t like talking about my life._

Again dr. Anngrim broke the silence, this time starting with a cough. ‘Uhm, okay…. that’s good, but you really need an adult.’

‘Maybe my parents can take care of the paperwork?’ Even suddenly asked.


	11. Chapter 11

 Dr. Anngrim turned to look at Even. ‘Sorry?’

‘Maybe my parents can take care of the paperwork?’ Even repeated. ‘They’re adults and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.’

Isak couldn’t believe his ears.

_Really? Is that even possible? No, of course not. As if anything would go smoothly in his life. His whole life was built on disappointments and failure. But Even looks so hopeful. He looks at the doctor as if he just had the best idea in the whole world. It was quite endearing really._

It made Isak feel just a tiny bit of hope. But just as soon as it had nestled in his heart it was ripped away again.

‘That is very kind of you Even, but they are not his guardians. I am sorry to disappoint both of you, but I need Isaks guardians for the paperwork. I really am sorry.’ The voice was steady and calm, just like every other time he had to give bad news.

Isak wondered if he had practiced how to give bad news. If he practiced ripping peoples’ worlds apart. Or maybe he just didn’t care anymore.

_See? Disappointments and failures._

Isak looked over at Even and could see that Even was also feeling very disappointed. His hopeful expression had turned into one of desperation.

‘What? Why? Can’t you make an exception?’ Even pleaded.

The doctor just shook his head and turned to Isak. ‘Do you have a number I can call? I know you’d rather not contact your father, but it really is important.’

‘Uh…. Yeah…. Yeah, I have his number somewhere. Uhm… let me find it for you.’

Isak felt numb. He dropped his phone twice on his bed trying to get it unlocked. When he did unlock it, he looked through his contacts as slow as possible until he found the right one. He showed it to Dr. Anngrim who then wrote it on a piece of paper.

‘Thank you Isak.’ He said before walking out.

Even walked towards the bed. ‘Isak…’

‘I’m really tired. I think I’m gonna sleep.’ Isak interrupted. He turned his back towards Even and tried to find a position that hurt his legs the least, which was very hard. He looked out the window and after a while heard retreating footsteps. As soon as the door closed Isak couldn’t hold it in anymore. He let the tears run freely on his face. It felt strangely nostalgic as he remembered all the other nights where he cried himself to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

‘But why did he run on the street?’

‘I…. It’s because of me.’

‘What do you mean?’

Isak woke up to these words and a painful tingling sensation in his legs. He turned on his bck to see who was in the room.

‘He’s waking up.’ The voice now sounded familiar. Strangely familiar. Isak felt very uneasy and wanted to go back to sleep once he realized the one who was interrogating Even was none other than his father.

Isak lay down on his back with his eyes closed. He didn’t want to believe it. _Why is he here? He shouldn’t know. I’ll just upset him more like this. I’m even more of a problem now._

‘Isak?’ The voice interrupted his thoughts. ‘Isak, I know you’re awake. Look at me.’

Isak couldn’t tell why but he felt as if his father wasn’t scolding him, far from it even. He sounded different. Almost as if he was _sad._

‘Isak, _please.’_

He slowly opened his eyes and was met with a pair of eyes that looked as if they were crying. He froze for a second, simply because he didn’t recognize the expression on the face of his father.

Isak looked over to Even but he was already walking out of the room. _Please stay, Even._ He must have said it out loud because he saw Even turn around with a hopeful expression. ‘You sure?’ Isak nodded and Even gave a small smile before sitting on one of the chairs in the room.

Isak turned his gaze towards the man who made his life a lot harder than it should have been.

‘Why are you here?’ Isak managed to ask. His father looked _guilty_ and _hurt._ Isak didn’t even know that was possible, but it just angered Isak more. ‘No, you don’t have the right to feel guilty.’

‘Isak, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.’

‘No of course you didn’t know, you immediately assumed I had hurt mom in some way, that I didn’t look after her enough, even though I shouldn’t have to!’ Isak had raised his voice now. He felt the pain in his legs become greater and the pain in his father’s expression turned into sadness. Isak could swear he saw tears form, but before he could say anything else, he was screaming, not at his father, not because he was so _so_ angry at him, but because the pain was too much. He clutched his hands around the bed and just screamed. His father looked lost and scared and guilty and sad and hurt, everything at the same time, before he realized he needed to get a doctor or a nurse, _anyone._

He turned and ran to the hallway to look for someone while Even jumped up and almost ran towards Isak. He held his hand and whispered soothing words. Whether it was to calm Isak or himself, he didn’t know.

 

This pain was worse than Isak had ever felt. It felt as if his legs were being ripped off. The tears kept streaming down his face. Somewhere he could hear Even, but he couldn’t register anything he said. The pain just grew and grew until Isak could see the edges of his vision turning black. And then just darkness and numb pain.


	13. Chapter 13

‘Apparently there was still a fragment of the car in your leg. We missed it the first time and I’m sorry for that.’ The doctor walked in right after Isak woke up from his surgery. He was still kind of dizzy and couldn’t really register what Dr. Anngrim was saying. Luckily Even was there to continue the conversation. ‘But now everything’s gone right?’

‘Yes.’ He turned to Isak. ‘Now you can focus on getting better, Isak.’ The doctor said before walking out.

Even was standing awkwardly against the wall. He looked like he didn’t know whether to stay or to leave.

_It’s my fault Even is like that. I rejected him when I was too busy feeling sorry for myself because of that asshole father of mine._

‘Even?’ Isak tried. Even turned to look at Isak. ‘I’m sorry for before.’ Even looked confused. ’For when I kind of ignored you and went to sleep. I just didn’t know if I were going to be able to talk about my whole family situation yet. But I am willing to do that now. You know…… if you still want to? Because I know I’m not the easiest person and I know I have a lot of issues.’ Isak chuckled awkwardly.

_That’s an understatement._

_‘_ Hey, Isak, it’s okay. I understand.’ Even said calmly while moving towards the bed. ‘Of course I’ll listen to anything you want to tell me.’

Isak took a deep breath. _How? How can Even calm me down with just a few sentences?_

‘Okay, I think I’m ready to tell you now.’

Even took a seat on the edge of the bed. He hesitated a bit before taking hold of Isak’s hand. Isak felt the comforting warmth and was grateful to have met Even.

_Even after everything he was still by my side._

_Don’t get too excited. After I tell him this he probably won’t want to have anything to do with me. Not that I can blame him._

Isak took another deep breath and steadied his gaze towards Even. ‘My mom is mentally ill.’ He felt the hand around his own tighten a little as a sign of support. ‘She was diagnosed when I was still a kid. Back then I didn’t really understand what was happening. My dad didn’t tell me anything or explain. I did notice a change in her behavior but didn’t really think much of it. She was still my mom and I loved her. But when I turned ten, she was different. It was like she was a different person.’

Isak heard his voice break as he recalled the memories. He just wanted to forget everything. ‘My dad also changed. He was later at work than normal. Sometimes he would come back in the middle of the night, after I had to struggle to get my mother to bed.’ Isak averted his gaze from Even as an attempt to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. ‘One night my dad didn’t come home. I had just gotten my mother in her bed and was about to fall asleep in my own room when I heard noises coming from the kitchen. I thougth it was my father coming home, so I just tried to sleep.’

Isak looked up to see Even looking at him with a flurry of emotion in his eyes.  Isak could see his eyes were also about to overflow with tears. Isak gave him a small smile that didn’t really reach his eyes.

‘The noise from the kitchen didn’t stop and at some point I thougt I heard voices, so I got up and went to the kitchen. As I got closer I could hear someone talking in hushed tones but it sounded like they were panicking. The lights were off. When I turned them on, I could see my mother sitting at the table with her head in her hands and muttering something. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, she stopped when I turned the lights on.’

Isak had to take a break as the memories were too much. Even had both his hands clasped over Isaks’. He wasn’t sure whether to say something. So he just freed one of his hands and put it on Isak’s cheek. He brushed some of the tears away with his thumb. Isak gave him a small smile of gratitude. It looked like he was gaining the courage to continue. Even focused all his attention back on Isak and listened intently.

Isak took a deep breath. ‘When she stopped talking she looked up from the table. Her eyes were wide and panicked. She started talking about how everyone left her and how we would all burn for our sins. I didn’t know what to do. She wouldn’t calm down. I tried to get closer, but she would throw stuff to keep me away. It starten with just tablecloths, but soon enough she was throwing mugs and glasses.’ Isak shuddered at the sensation the memories brought back. ‘At soe point she had made her way to the cutlery. She took out a knife and threw it my way.’ Isak could hear Even take a sharp breath. ‘It grazed my cheek, so I wasn’t hurt too much but I was so scared. I was terrified. She already had her hands on something else and that was the first time I thought I would die in that moment.’

Isak took another breath to steady himself. He could almost feel the fear he had felt then. He didn’t dare look at Even. _He is just gonna be freaked out of his mind. He’s gonna walk away. I mean who would want to be with me? I am broken._

‘And then?’

Isak looked up in surprise. He stared right into the most beautiful eyes ever. Even looked at him with a kind of determination he couldn’t place. ‘What?’ It was the only thing Isak could ask.

‘What happened after?’

Isak could cry. _Really? He wants to know? He’s not freaked out? No. He’s just doing this because he’s nice, that’s all._

‘Uh…..after that, she was about to throw another knife when the door opened en my father walked in. he took in what happened and went to stop my mother. He took the knife out her hand and made her sit on a chair. He jelled at me to go to my room. I didn’t register his words at first, I was still in shock. He jelled louder and brought me out of my schock. I all but ran to my room and slammed the door shut. I crawled in my bed with my blanket over my head and just cried. I cried because I didn’t understand anything, because my cheek hurt. I cried because I had almost died and it was my mother who had put me in that situation.’

**Author's Note:**

> As you maybe have read already, i am not a native english speaker, so i apologise for any mistakes in the chapter. also this is litterally the first fiction i have ever written, let alone posted on the internet, so please try to be kind when you comment.


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